Life

These past few weeks have been very rough due to personal drama and seasonal change. It genuinely feels like every disappointing thing that happens gets escalated from being not a big deal to a huge overblown problem in my head. Overthinking, end of year exhaustion are all very much large components of life right now for me. All ambitions for YouTube and blogging took a backseat dealing with everything in life. Feeling overwhelmed with emotions whilst not accomplishing some of the goals I've set out for myself made me feel ashamed and yet paralized at the same time.

I knew what I wanted to do and how to do it but I felt no drive to actually take steps to achieve them.

Being overly hard on myself when nothing seemed to be working out as I expected isn't the best way to move forward. Yet once a negative thought took root in my head, down a black hole of self hatred I went.

Being in my twenties is interesting. On one hand, this is the beginning of adulthood since entering the work field and starting your career. On the other hand it feels like I have no time to figure out what I want to do. Everyday I don't purse my goal or attempt something on my own (outside of 9-5 job) feels like a failure.

But I am also simply just tired.

It feels like trying to implement good practices/routines in my life is taking the spontaneity of life out. Following my own schedule - even if it is good for me feels like another job. It doesn't feel like I am actually doing something that's good for me even though logically it is. Probably because going to the gym, eating right, even sleeping on time etc. doesn't seem to make me feel better. Just feels like more work to do.

Getting back on track

I don't want to be a person that looks back on life and regrets not giving something a proper shot because it didn't feel right. People who are successful most definitly had their bad days, months, or even years. Yet perservering and not being driven by their emotions all the time is what brought them the success they had been after. Right now it seems like no matter how hard I try to get my self together, I fall back into bad habits/routines. Doom scrolling on Instagram, going to bed really late whilst being on the computer, eating junk food etc. have been the go to strategy to cope with mental and emotional exhaustion.

Not being super proud of myself because of my own behavior/attitude toward myself, I figured one of the best ways to get out of this seriously negative slump is to start writing again.

Blogging is great because it does help me organize my thoughts on certain subjects. Its also a low effort way to slowly start to get back into doing what my goals are.

Another attempt is trying to finish reading "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. The whole book is about trying to build better habits by changing small things in your life. It does state that making small changes in your day like making your bed or going outside for a walk for 10 minutes may not feel like your doing anything but in the long run, these changes will benefit your life substantially.

I think my next blog post will be summarizing "Atomic Habits" as a go to note to myself to continue working hard whilst also trying to be kinder to myself.