Perfectionism

My English teacher said to my class once,

"If your going to do something, anything... why would you not provide the best work you can possibly do?"

What defined your best work? How high is the bar you set for yourself that is equivalent to your best level?

I have always been a perfectionist. Consistently in pursuit of an unattainable level of approval from my own mind about the work I do. Most particularly at my own job. Troubleshooting bugs is cohesive with any tech related position and trying to find the answer results in me sitting at my desk for hours without breaks, hammering away at my computer trying to solve the problem. Great for my job, horrible for my mental health.

Even thinking about what my next blog post should be after "Starting a personal blog" I felt choked up by the idea that nothing is good enough. Nothing is original or interesting to talk about. A million questions popped up in my head:
- What should my first post/topic I talk about be?
- Would it be dumb to talk about something that's been discussed so many times?

Consequences of failure I think is in part what breeds a perfectionist ideal in our minds. When we try something in our younger years and we fail, as we most often do, that mistake is usually punished in different ways. Failed grades, disappointment from your family and friends, being made fun of and embarrassed for doing something differently in the first place etc. A never ending stream of criticism from all corners of our small worlds. For me, guess that resulted in trying to avoid mistakes by going a little too above and beyond.

Obviously in the grand scheme of things, being perfect at anything is an illusion. My rational mind does know trying at something and putting in the right amount of work and time (at a healthy level) is what it means to be doing your best. Good time management, taking breaks, and not letting yourself get stuck on never moving forward is what it means to be promoting your highest level of work. Overthinking what you do and not taking the steps you need, even if they might turn out to be the wrong one, is the complete opposite of doing what needs to be done to be successful - whatever success means to you.

Ultimately I just want to stop being afraid of making mistakes. Life would be easier if I was more bold 😂

Making mistakes is a part of the journey and is something to be expected and at one point, you have to start making decisions and moves that will help you get the life you want.

I know anything I create won't be perfect. It will have flaws and someone in the world will probably disagree with it but trying to create something I can be proud of that is as close to perfect in my mind, is a worthy endeavor to pursue regardless of outcome.